the peril of a brilliant session

is that I can't get songs out of my head.

Take me there, Watermark

Take me there to the place where You are, take me there, take me there
I just wanna be where You are
Oh and hide me in Your shelter, hide me here, hide me here
I just wanna be where You are

You have buried my sin in the depths, oh Lord
And You've covered me from the furious storm
And You've kept me in the cleft of Your Rock
And You've loved me there right from the start

Take me there to the place where You are, take me there, take me there
I just wanna be where You are
Oh and hide me in Your shelter, hide me here, hide me here
I just wanna be where You are

You are here and I can feel You, I just love to be where You are
Hide me in Your shelter, hide me here, I just love to be where You are


Brilliant end to the week. And the hols are here. I am jobless.

I'm so sleepy. But I can't sleep. Think I'll go read.

Chaucer's slightly scary.


I've just wasted 2 hours doing absolutely nothing.



I've got no reason to feel the way I'm feeling now.

What more could I want?

A hand to hold


Encircled in arms


Breath on my ear


And eyes which say


I love you


I love you


I love you

Vocabulary Quiz

Two days ago I set a quiz for the kids. Based on about 70 words they were supposed to study over the last two weeks. Before giving it to them, I sent it to a couple of friends for feedback on how do-able it was. Here are some of (Shane's) answers:

1. The best way to do well in GP is to read ______________ (desiring or consuming great quantities, adj.)

Shane's Answer: Pornographic magazines.

3. Give an example of a paradox:

S.A: Singapore Elections

4. To plead urgently for aid or mercy:

S.A: Singapore Elections

7. An idiom meaning promising at the start but then disappointing:

S.A: Singapore Elections

8. If one is described as 'a man of few words', what is one word which can describe him?

S.A: retarded.

It goes on, in like fashion. Funny boy.

My kids were decidedly less amusing, but probably more accurate. Gonna miss those I won't teach next term.

Disclaimer: Shane's answers do NOT reflect the author's opinions (esp. wrt Elections.)

Today I will:

1. Finish ALL my marking

2. Get the venue for Council Day semi-almost-confirmed

3. Fill in the Visa application form

4. Send in the MOE letter

5. Start on the exercise plan (I will. Will lose 5kg by the end of the June Hols. WATCH ME.)

6. Clear up my cupboards (which are currently a mess and overflowing with clothes. I've got waaay too many college/KC t-shirts, but I can't bear to throw/give them away. Sigh.)

7. Get my study room re-organised

8. Brush Rascal

9. Get all my scores organised...I'm finding them in the strangest places

10. Get started on the first book of the reading list. The Bible. Whoop! *grinz.

If I go on coughing at this rate, I'm not gonna need to go to the gym to get abs.

My stomach muscles hurt.

Bummer.

How on earth did "I'll finish all my marking over the weekend" become "Where the hell did the weekend go"?

I loved it though. The weekend. Not hell. Don't think I'd like hell much.

Made the decision that determines my geographical location for the most of the next 3 years. Won't be here. And it's not euphoric. It's kinda scary too. But it's a chance of a lifetime, and I'm beyond grateful for it.

It's Fridaaaaaaaaaaay!

Whoop! The week is OVER baby. Ooooover. As is my flu/sorethroat/fever/wobblyknees thing. Yippeeeeeeeeee.

And I've only got 1 more class of essays to mark. 2 classes of compres, but the summaries are done so that's easy. Then the extra paragraphs I made them write (that's right, extra homework given = extra homework to mark. sigh.) Should be able to finish most of it today though.

As for the weekend? Here's the schedule.

Tomorrow morning, at the ungodly hour of 8am, we've gotta report to LT1 (or was it 2) for College Day. Which starts at 10am. Why EIGHT?! Sigh.

Then lunch with the girls.

Then see how things go till 4.

Then housewarming bbq at Aunty B's new house.

Then it'll be Sunday!

Go for Mass.

And then the band is coming over. *grinz. (although. exactly what do we plan on doing? heh.)

The weekend sounds good to me :) And hopefully next week will be even better, what with it being the last week of school for the term and all. I'll be back next term though, so I've effectively spent THREE YEARS AND THREE TERMS in tj. Bloody hell. I guess it kinda grows on you though. The kids do, anyway.

Orite. Should go and start marking before I meet the baby. She'll be rather miffed if I'm late.

As an afterthought, I'm able to listen to Jars of Clay without significant adverse reaction again. Well done, me :)

miserable.

I don't like being sick. Particularly when I fall sick the day I'm allowed to go out for dinner with amazingly lovable people. Bah. (Happy Birthday Lavi!)

Anyway, I think the cotton wool brain thing was just a symptom of the full blown knee-buckling arm not behaving tongue kinda not functioning thing that's going on now. And the only identifiable 'sickness' I have is a particularly annoying sore throat. Sigh.

Am beginning to be excited about happenings in late Sept early Oct. :)

Cotton wool brains

Mine, yes.

In the last 5 days alone, I have:

1. earned myself 5 blue-blacks within an HOUR, by walking into STATIONARY objects.

2. tried to go up 3 down-escalators. One after another.

3. Missed the city hall interchange stop, because I took too long to snap out of a daze and get out of the damn train.

4. Got off the bus two stops too early, on my way HOME.

5. Nearly been run down by a bike, because for some inane reason I stepped onto the road while the red man was, well, red.

Scary stuff.

On the way home today I had to focus on walking. Something's definitely wrong...

And at the end of a long, scarily-tiring day...

who was it that said "When God closes a door, He opens a window"?

I think God's windows are infinitely more beautiful than the doors we could have ever imagined we wanted.

Am blessed. And happy :)

Waiting is all you can do, sometimes

Although you know the situation's getting slightly out of hand when you're checking your inbox for relevant mail every...oh, 8 minutes?

Happy Monday, by the way.

a wrinkle in time

mrs whosit, mrs whatsit, and i don't remember who the last mrs is.

this is going to be a pretty morose post, just so you know.

it's pretty depressing, you see, hearing about people getting overseas scholarships and stuff. and while you're very grateful for those you have, you still wonder why you weren't even given a shot. and you wonder if it's all part of a Plan, and if you should just stop trying so hard, swallow what you've got with a smile (because really, it's pretty good) and forget about the dream.

and on a seperate note, it's really depressing to see God-fearing people lose their focus, get sidetracked by the high, the success, the glamour of an idea, and shift perspective so that God is no longer the central tenet and overarching focus and goal (not just theme - how can Yahweh be a theme.) to their plan.

and to see the potential of that happening to yourself.

Fr. Paul gave a brilliant homily today. Holy anger, he called it. Blessed, blessed anger. "The Da Vinci Code" isn't just a book. It's an attack on my Faith. And the next person who tells me "but it makes a good read what", is going to have to sit down and listen to me explain, patiently and clearly, why it's a bunch of lies...and if you would refuse to hear someone insult your mother without stopping him/her, why shouldn't I refuse to hear someone insult my Father and His Son without retaliation? In more pragmatic terms, if you have the right to insult my Faith, I have the right to defend it.

made a sojourn to Chinatown on thursday. had much to say then, but too tired to talk about it today. tomorrow, maybe. just so you know though, it's a pretty damn cool place. i could have spent the ENTIRE day there.

Leaning, eyes half-closed, mind adrift.
Your masculinity looms over me
as you, stranger, use the wall behind me as a pivot point,
inclining your head so our eyes meet.
And thus you step out, and forever away...

But we hold our gaze.

Chinatown, 11 May 2006

Deja Vu

Suddenly the quest for whatever grinds
to a halt, and wakes
the mind to its loss. The Indians,
burdened with their lives' possessions,
troop off into the dark, homeward,
to chappatis and chai, and I forget
why I have come so far.
A masterstroke of oversight has landed me
in the middle of nowhere, an interim
of lost connections, an unplanned pause
between journeys, the cold desert air
gripping the old bones of the mind.

As in a dream, one is flying from lifetimes away, the open space
dissolving all hints of direction,
driven by mixed impulses
to lose and to find, and doubts
suddenly stagger the heart, freeze
the dreamer in his tracks,
the infinite pause in the air,
as if the will to go on
is snapped like a twig
by a careless step, one wakes
to a suspension of time and space
in an indefinite postponement of purpose.

BoeyKimCheng, DejaVu.


maybe I don't want to go after all.

I make perfect sense!

Don't I?

I'm Henry the Eighth I am

lalala. I love sunday band practices. Love, not like. Love.

Me, after a particularly bad session of angst: I'm gonna marry a guitarist missionary and move to Africa. No, Egypt.

My Sister: Stay in Africa, it's easier to get there than Egypt.

Me: SIA has flights to Dubai.

My Sister: That's in India!

Right. Dubai's in India.

Bwahaha.

Yes, I know this is my 3rd post in 24 hours

But sometimes some things can't be unsaid. Even if only I understand what I'm talking about.

Like the paradox of loving waking up each day to gorgeous sunrises, and relishing being alive, but being so tired through it all.

Like wanting to be a channel for touching and changing the world, but realising I don't dare to reach out to people so much closer to home.

Like being so at home and comfortable with people I've known for barely over 3 months, but growing more distant and uncomfortable with people I've known for years.

Like loving a bunch of kids so much it hurts.

Like inexpressible joy which manifests itself most of the time in "mooooooooorning" messages.

Like pain unspeakable which manifests itself sometimes in "moooooooooorning" messages.

Like the way I often wonder what I really am. Cryptic? Open? Afraid? Embracing? Intelligent? Naiive? Sensitive? Un-savvy?

Like the way I know who I really am. But also the way I involuntarily but consciously hide it.

I don't want to be angsty. Angst isn't in any way logical. Or called for.

I'm just...thinking.

Very randomly, and just because I feel like it

An August Midnight

I
A shaded lamp and a waving blind,
And the beat of a clock from a distant floor:
On this scene enter - winged, horned, and spined -
A longlegs, a moth, and a dumbledore;
While 'mid my page there idly stands
A sleepy fly, that rubs its hands...

II
Thus meet we five, in this still place,
At this point of time, at this point in space
- My guests besmear my new-penned line,
Or bang at the lamp and fall supine.
'God's humblest, they!' I muse. Yet why?
They know Earth-secrets that know not I.

Thomas Hardy, Max Gate, 1899

That I could write like that. This is the first Hardy poem I really fell in love with. For about 4 months previous to that I had been struggling with really getting into it...but I had to analyse this during an exam, and that was it.

I love the way he sets a scene. You can actually see it happening...the whole play on time, and on the concept of a PLAY.

I think I'm beginning to fall for drama. Not just acting. Reading. Plays. Theatre.

Sigh, I've got enough issues already. :p

:)

I knew it. Wonder why the people who published that article didn't deem it necessary (or news-worthy, whichever their agenda) to publish this update.

Thursday pulled off pretty well. I'm very...the word is content, I think, today. Content.

Like a cat. Waving it's tail slightly, just being. Peace. Cream.

Ice Cream.

Chunky Monkey, whoop! *grinz.

Wednesday!

Midweek. Well, technically anyway. Un-technically it's only the second day of the week, and semi second-last day cuz Friday's a half day.

But still. MID-WEEK!!!

And about 93 essays and 98 compres to go, whoopee.

Band pract yesterday was pretty cool. I actually felt like I was jamming. Which is rare, in ymm *grinz. But I wuv you kids anyway. Yes, KIDS. My sources tell me you say I'm old. So KIDS you are :p (19 going on 20, by the way is NOT old. *scowl.)

This week is gonna be long. But is turning out fine, albeit expensive. Heh. $15 for a ticket to the zoo! And then almost $10 for the cab back to ang mo kio. And dinner tonight, although that's an expense I can live with :) Band tomorrow! Whoop. I forsee bad withdrawal symptoms in the near future, sigh. And YMM on Friday. Then cycling at ecp on Sat with the DTs (haha doesn't that seem so long ago?) followed by a CAR WASH at olps, then, if I can rush down in time, Shane's gig. And Sunday? Band in the afternoon again.

I love how my weeks revolve around making music.

I don't love so much though how my weeks seem to end before they actually begin (though I can't seem to wait for the weekend) without me doing the extra things I want to, like sign up for those darn salsa lessons, and reading the new Scott Hahn book my dad got me, and going down to the Esplanade to catch a lunchtime concert, and going blading every week so I finally learn how to STOP, and going to check out the gym in the new SIA club...ok THAT i'm gonna do tomorrow afternoon.

And I vaguely remember borrowing this book on quantum mechanics. I think it's overdue. Long overdue. Whoops.

Like a ballerina in a breakdancer's crowd.