Saturday, April 23, 2005

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
The Bottom Line

You're multi-layered. Show someone a previously hidden side of you.
In Detail
You're the very soul of accommodation. You love to make others happy and you'll offer your services to achieve those ends any time you think you're needed. That's lovely, but you often forget about your own needs in the process. Don't let that happen now. You were recently introduced to someone who could make this a wonderful weekend for you -- if you let them. Allow the rest of the world to take care of itself, just for now.

Gee. Who've I most recently been introduced to? Haha...the secret of horoscopes is to make your fortune-telling so general it could apply to just about anybody - except perhaps a hermit living somewhere on a Tibetian mountain.

I'm gaining momentum - I guess that's a good thing. Maybe ken was right - I need to have distractions in order to focus better. Well, as long as the distractions aren't too distracting. Or long term. Or commitment-demanding. I sound like I'm describing a relationship. Hmph. Well I'm not lah. I hope I don't become one of those people whose lives revolve around the work they do - I want my life to revolve around people. Humanity. Not objects and objectives.

The new mattress for my bed came today. See this is the story: I've been complaining that my bed's slanting to one side for some time now. At first my parents thought it was the mattress, so they switched it with another old one. But it was still slanting, so then they thought it was the bed. And i got a new bed. Still slanting. My dad decides he'll buy a new mattress - one with springs and other high techie stuff. Still slanting. So my mum takes over, tells my dad she told him it was the floor, and rearranges the room. No more slanting. Heh. So now me and my sister have got new mattresses, new pillows, and a new room arrangement. Beautiful.

I've still got loads more hw to go. 2 Lit essays, 1 PC, 1 Econs essay, and tons of mugging. I really really wanna go for the campfire - but it won't be any fun going alone. There wouldn't be much point either. *shrugz* Guess I could always see you guys during the june hols..sometime.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is now Pope Benedict XVI. Yes I know this is a little late, but so far I havn't had much to say. Was talking to a couple of friends just now though, and realized the extent of the misconceptions many people have about the Catholic Church. Well, no, I didn't just realize the extent, but the conversation did ire me enough to warrant a post. But you know what, I'm just not in the mood. It's late anyway. I'll post about it soon enough.

Nothing left to say.

Even the best fall down sometimes; even the stars refuse to shine.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


Has it ever occured to you, that in this nanosecond, the second you took to read this word, someone's mother was born, someone's best friend has died, and a saint is made? Have you ever wondered how anyone, anybody, could keep track of what goes on in this world? Has the staggering amount of information, of insights into private lives the Internet has given us, ever suffocated you with the sheer weight of the knowledge that you truly are insignificant, that you are but a drop in the ocean of humanity - no, an atom in that drop - and yet you are still significant - significant enough to warrant attention for failing a test, to be assessed for suitability as a scholarship candidate, to break someone's heart, to make someone's day, maybe even to save someone life. Yet, is that significant? Is your life significant? Will it matter to the world at large, if you were dead or alive? Is that a question you can handle? What if the answer is no. What if, even if you did live your life to the fullest, and touched the lives of millions, it never mattered in the long run, because in the long run, everybody dies.

How does one believe an omnipotent, all-powerful God is really concerned, really loves, really cares for each individual. Yet I believe it. And I guess that's what Faith is about. Despite the mind-boggling issues I tussle with every minute, every day; despite the rushes of doubt and bewilderment and the whole point of life; despite the arguments I hold with myself everytime life doesn't rock, I believe. Despite the various assailing missiles of friendship, kindred-spiritship, tentative love even; despite the echoing voices and fingers pointing to the contrary; despite the temptation of taking the easy way of relativism out, I believe. And because I believe, I have to deal with issues which attack my belief. And everything seems to nowadays. More so because I'm thinking about it. But if we never thought about what we believe in - never even tried to understand the ultimate Mystery of Life, how can we profess to believe? How can we say we believe in something or Someone we don't even try to know? How do i reconcile what I believe in with what my best friends do, when our beliefs stand so firmly apart? Yet I would have been poorer for not knowing and not loving, even if knowing and loving hurts. How can a human proclaim all who do not believe in what he believes in go to hell, and still know and love the people around him? Which then, do I choose? The proclamation, or the knowledge and love? Can I choose both? God doesn't work in the ways of men - I suppose then, what we believe is logical, is not neccessarily divinely so. Yet how then do I know what is right? Is right even important, at this stage? To whom do I direct these questions? Why do I question.

Why do people have such a hold on each other? How can we have such great capacity to love, when the same capacity can be turned to hate? How can someone love a child, and kill a man? How can you be both good and evil? Why don't we understand ourselves? Why do we hurt each other, if we know what pain feels like? Why do we need each other? Why can't we stand on our own? Why doesn't our heart ever listen to what our mind says? Is that a good thing?

Random questions, which beg answers we don't have. And probably never will.

It's a lot darker at the deeper side of the pool.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Bloody msn

I'm now in a perfectly foul mood, made even fouler by the fact that I was in a perfectly good mood until it was ruined by the bloody fish head mutton curry toilet cleaner mother father orange peeler msn messenger which REFUSES to send ANY of my msgs to my friends. *smashes about a 100 guitars* I now understand the frustration of not being heard, let alone understood. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok. Happy. Be happy.

Lalalalala. Ah frickdom.

I realize I only get comments when I post depressing stuff. Happy ppl don't seem to warrant any attention.

The temptation to swear has never been so great. Amazing isn't it. Cut me off from online, virtual existence, and I wanna curse msn to extinction. Which would be cutting off my nose to spite my face, because then I'll never get back on msn. Bloody fish head curry mutton drain sweeper foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh. I know I'm plagiarizing, za. Sorry. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Growl.

Kate and Leopald rock btw. Almost as sweet as Keeping the Faith. Zid I would still go for Hitch though. Like I said, he knows what he's doing. just doing what he would do anyway. My mum keeps telling me English boys aren't like that anymore. Mwahahaha I think she's worried. She's got nothing to worry about. I'll end up being sister again - better yet, mother. Haha.

Foop lah. Annoyed, antagonized, bitter, bugged, chafed, choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, enraged, exacerbated, exasperated, ferocious, fierce, fiery, frazzled, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, irritable, irritated, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, passionate, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sulky, sullen, tumultuous, turbulent, uptight, vexed, wrathful.


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Okie, mood swing over. I'm back to happy, hyper me. Heh.

I really really really shouldnt be online, or blogging, or even near the computer. I've got a maths test tomorrow on DE, IM and Probability I havn't started studying for, 2 econs worksheets I have no idea how to do, and a one week overdue lit S essay. One wonders why my mood swing is over under such conditions.

Anyway, everybody is falling sick. My mum, my sis, eunice, za, even JUNIOR my retriever puppy is sneezing. Have u ever seen a puppy sneeze? It's very adorable.

By the way, msn version 7.0 rocks. It is hilarious. One of the catalysts which broke me out of my mood. The other is this very sweet song a very sweet person sent me.

True Colors
Phil Collins
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it
And the darkness, inside you
Makes you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Just show your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up
Because you know
I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Just show your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Such sad eyes
Take courage now
When this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining throughI see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Just show your true colors
True colors, true colors
Are shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid; just let them show
Your true colors, true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Beautiful, like a rainbow
This goes out to all my darling darling friends too. G'nite. True colors are beautiful.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Not sad. Just mixed up.

about so many things. People. relationships. Friendships gone sour. People. people people.

To quote vas, the trouble with the world today is...we think too much.

I've done nothing, absolutely nothing the last 2 weeks. I need...I don't know what I need. But whatever it is, I don't have it.

I shouldnt be sad...cuz I'm not supposed to be sad right? I'm the life rockz person. The eternal optimist. The girl who would marry...nvm who I'll marry. Stop sniggering zaeunice&siying. But then, sometimes there's a limit to how much someone can take. And sometimes that limit comes when things you believed in, people you once trusted, and issues you once held sacred, ring false, betray your trust, and are violated respectively. Sometimes the limit comes when you can't ignore the rest of your world, when you can't block things out like you could before, when you can't seem to find someone who would listen and understand. Sometimes it comes when you're yelling "Leave me alone", when all you really want is to break down in someone's arms.

But whatever. I know I'm delusional. So just leave me alone.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I've been failing every gp essay since the beginning of the year.
And not just just failings either.
Marks like 19 out of 50.
What's wrong with me?
Mental block? Inertia?
Or is the theory that I was only doing well in gp because it was the only thing I could do well in the last 2 years true?
Hell. I don't know.
And it's bloody scary. When you can't even pass the one thing you thought you knew you could ace.
Wonder how my parents will react when they see my gp grade in a couple of weeks.
I know what I'll do. I'll explain it away, promise them a higher grade, smile throughout dinner,
then cry myself to sleep.
In the meantime though, I'll be smiling in school tomorrow.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

You like the sweet, shy type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright, altogether now: 1, 2, 3...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sweet, shy type. *guffaws* I tell you, I give Quizilla 5 stars for entertainment value. *wipes away tears of mirth*

Yesterday was nice. Fridays are pretty good in general, since I end at noon and can usually relax till 3ish when guitar starts. Yesterday was prettier gooder because of the combination of stars, hormonal 18 yr old girls, hooch, bare-torsoed male ballet dancers, commando mosquitoes and an endless supply of junk food. Went for Ballet under the Stars at Fort Canning. Nice. Ideal date too, although it was helluva lot of fun with my darling girl classmates.

What wasn't so nice was the discussion we had after - punctured several illusions about the inherent innocence of certain people. But no matter, right girls? Nobody messes with us and gets away with it. *insert name* is going dooooownnnn.

I realise that sounded vaguely threatening. Vaguely. But see, that's where you're wrong. We are anything but threatening. Innocent, sweet, gullible, naiive, easily-swayed 18 yr old girls that's what we are. *that said to the background of chirping bluebirds and pink flying ponies* No, really! It's easily deduced from our conversations.

Libby: Guys doing ballet is like...a high culture form of Chippendale.
Azzah, Eunice & Siying: Chippendale? Arent they like...chipmunks?

Sigh. I love my classmates.