Friday, May 05, 2006

Yes, I know this is my 3rd post in 24 hours

But sometimes some things can't be unsaid. Even if only I understand what I'm talking about.

Like the paradox of loving waking up each day to gorgeous sunrises, and relishing being alive, but being so tired through it all.

Like wanting to be a channel for touching and changing the world, but realising I don't dare to reach out to people so much closer to home.

Like being so at home and comfortable with people I've known for barely over 3 months, but growing more distant and uncomfortable with people I've known for years.

Like loving a bunch of kids so much it hurts.

Like inexpressible joy which manifests itself most of the time in "mooooooooorning" messages.

Like pain unspeakable which manifests itself sometimes in "moooooooooorning" messages.

Like the way I often wonder what I really am. Cryptic? Open? Afraid? Embracing? Intelligent? Naiive? Sensitive? Un-savvy?

Like the way I know who I really am. But also the way I involuntarily but consciously hide it.

I don't want to be angsty. Angst isn't in any way logical. Or called for.

I'm just...thinking.

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