Productive.

Well, kinda. This weekend I:

1. Went for a UCL exhibition. Not too impressed, but convinced myself that it wasn't going to be one of my choices, so that's fine.

2. Chilled out with the Amplify music team. Am very comfortable, and it's nice to be one of the youngest for a change.

3. Played for Youth Mass. It was...brilliant. Still don't know who the priest was, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with everything he did. But Mass was, as usual, recharging. And beautiful. Hair-standingly so :)

4. Went for softball practice at St. Stephens'. Never played softball before, glove hand hurts. And I now know I cannot pitch because I can't lob a straight ball. I can bat though. So all hope is not lost. Am also slightly browner hehe.

5. Met Aaron and PS for lunch at Essential Brew in Holland V. (Here's the shocker: I've never been to Holland V. At least not within living memory, although my mum insists we used to go there all the time when we were really young.) Explored, found quaint bead shop, saw places I want to go back to, and Aaron I do not sulk. Scowl.

6. Bought a Corrine May CD (Fly away) - my first CD purchase in three years. So you see, her putting her entire new album on her website was a stroke of genius. I fell in love with it enough to want to get her CD. Although conversely, a friend of mine just plans to rip the entire thing. (Which is wrong, just so you know.) I think I'll go back to buying my own CDs. Had forgotten how nice it was to have and to hold. *grinz.

See? Oh and I also slotted in doing whatever work I had planned to do in between. So my weekend was productive. Mainly to keep my mind off the impending opening of Pandora's Box. But also because I've decided to make full use of my time. With personal reasons. And am glad tis so. :)

"God's got me covered."

Nerves.

It's official. The 2005 A-level results will be released Wednesday, 1st March at 2pm.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

How to know when you've lost all hope of ever growing up in your mother's eyes

Me: XXX is cute.

Mum: He's got a girlfriend.

Me: I know. But he still makes for good eyecandy.

Mum (whilst walking out the house to go for some late night hokkien mee): Focus girl. PSLE.

Me: ?!?!?!?!

Dad (who previously cleverly abstained from commenting on aforesaid conversation): Guffaw.


Sigh. And for those waiting for rumours, rumour has it D-Day's next Wed. See you then.

yourdictionary.com's Word of the Day is...

gound. That's right, gound. And apparently it means: "The extraneous matter that collects in the corners of the eyes during sleep (often called "sleep" itself in the U.S.)" Hmm. That would be the icky sticky white stuff I get across my eyes sometimes in the morning. How's that for an excuse to call in sick: "I'm sorry, I can't come in today, I've got gound." Sounds like some nasty infection.

It's the post midweek lethargy. I came home today, sat on the couch and fell asleep without knowing it. Sat. Till my bumbling goof of a retriever comes bounding onto my stomach. Well at least he's somewhat useful. (I won't deny it's adorable though.) Still, I'm headed for CSC in about half an hour, and that's enough to make anyone high. *grinz.

Orite this is for the band. Tomorrow, 6pm, dinner at Dragon Valley. Yup, that's the one next to Phoenix Nest and opposite Serpents' Cove. (Chai Chee.) Then we'll go for practice ok? Yay for band bonding.

Dinner's served. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

Since I've got nothing much to talk about, and everybody seems to be talking about the Johari's Window, I figured I'll just jump on the bandwagon.

Arena (known to self and others) friendly, idealistic, patient	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dependable, giving, helpful, independent, intelligent, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, nervous, observant, quiet, reflective, religious, searching, self-assertive, sentimental, shy, silly, tense, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) accepting, happy	Unknown (known to nobody) adaptable, cheerful, dignified, energetic, extroverted, ingenious, kind, modest, organised, powerful, proud, relaxed, responsive, self-conscious, sensible, spontaneous, sympathetic, wise

All Percentages

able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (10%) brave (20%) calm (30%) caring (10%) cheerful (0%) clever (10%) complex (20%) confident (10%) dependable (20%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (30%) giving (30%) happy (0%) helpful (20%) idealistic (10%) independent (10%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (10%) introverted (10%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (10%) logical (10%) loving (10%) mature (20%) modest (0%) nervous (10%) observant (10%) organised (0%) patient (20%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (20%) reflective (10%) relaxed (0%) religious (40%) responsive (0%) searching (20%) self-assertive (20%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (20%) shy (10%) silly (30%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (10%) trustworthy (10%) warm (10%) wise (0%) witty (20%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 27.2.2006, using data from 10 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view liferockz's full data.

Oh but I had the most wonderful time yesterday. And it was all thanks to these people:


Fifteen out of twenty-seven is a pretty good number I'll say. :) And aren't you proud that I got my curfew extended? 2 hours more is a looong time you know. AND I maintain that I did not look like a kid in that outfit. I like that outfit. *sulk.

Right. School tomorrow. Need sleep. Wish they would tell us when the results will be out. I hate this waiting.

Edit: I was supposed to credit someone for sharing the picture with all the bands with me, so here goes. Someone is....*drum roll* SHANE! One of the members of my church youth band, of which I will get a photo of this Tuesday. Hmm. Lots of ofs there.

omg are you falling in love again?

That's my best friend's reply to an innocent question regarding the identity of one of the many people she has linked on her blog. I'm scandalized!!!! Was it really that obvious?

But the blog was written beautifully. If I could fall in love with words...and I could...but you know, that's what scares me. Blogs are all about facades and appearances. You can craft what you say, what you want people to know. What you're reading now - you've no way of knowing if this is just what I think, or what I want you to think I think, or what I think I want you to think I think - or even what I think about you.

Come to think of it, isn't that true in more and more situations? When everything is written down, and sent after an interim period which allows for thought (think sms, msn, email), EVERYTHING is crafted. Even speech if you really think about it. The interjections we all have in our everyday lives (hmm, well, you know, i think..., ah...) give us time to become what we aren't. How do we know what we aren't? Do you? Do I? Maybe I'm so caught up in a persona, I don't know who I truly am. But isn't that a construct in itself? "Who I truly am." Someone has got to decide that.

"You're looking in all the wrong places lah dude."

p.s. Happy Birthday Aaron.

E V E R Y T H I N G I N I T S T I M E

Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo & Carole Bayer Sager

Copyright 2001 Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP) / All About Me Music adm. by Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead

How long till my hunger is fed

They say it's hard to make it in this part of town

So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology

Some turn to crystal balls

To find an answer,

To get through it all

I just fall on my knees and I try to pray

In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides

Out to the ocean and under the sky

I promise you, the answer will come

Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind

Somebody must have moved that finish line

There are a thousand reasons

Why I should give up

But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides

Out to the ocean and under the sky

I promise you, the answer will come

Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan

One I still can't see

A little surprise, like your love in my life

Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides

Out to the ocean and under the sky

I promise you, the answer will come

Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

Everything in its time

Everything in its time

Had dinner today with someone I've known for a pretty long time...and it's true what they say. The old friends are the best. Had much fun :)

Is it a good thing to not be able to stay angry? I wonder.

Sometimes things happen, and I wonder if I really want to leave. Then I remind myself that I may never get the chance to. But then my mind tells me, "just assuming..." and I wonder.

Why do I push some people away, and want others closer to me, even when I know that the people I'm pushing away may be nicer than those I want close? I wonder.

Is there really someone for everybody? Matched up, in a Divine Plan. And are we sure to meet each other, be it through a match-made relationship or a hollywood-esque one? What if I keep looking for the One, and miss The one? I wonder.

You could be next to an angel in disguise.

Valentine's Day

and dateless. In a sense anyhoo. Not sure if I mind or not. Seeing that I don't actually have a crush on anyone right now (come to think of it, it's been a while since I've had a crush), I don't think I should feel that bad.

Anyway, someone shared this picture with me. And it's so cool, I decided to share it with you:

Now tell me. There are 75 bands/music artistes in this picture. How many can you name? Leave a comment. (And yes, this is a desperate attempt to make myself feel good about the number of people who do read my blog.)

I'll just leave it at this then. Going for YMM later. Come to think of it, I do have a date. 8 boys and keyboards. Ooooh nice. *wink.

Done.

Find infoblog here. Ok off to mark reflections now.

Brainwave

I was thinking about how I'm gonna remember all the stuff I've been reading, gp-related and otherwise. Then today in class, I had a brainwave. I'm gonna start an infoblog! And it'll have random or otherwise articles and editorials and information on it. Woot. Go me.

Help! My feet are falling off!

The underneaths of them anyway. The skin's all white-y and tear-y. Altogether now: Eeeeeeeeee.
My dad took one look at them and said, "Wet socks." I don't WEAR socks, because I havn't worn sneakers for the longest time. (Which reminds me. I'm so screwed for Friday.) Sigh. It's YICKY. How.

And then there's the issue of my essay. It's still not done. 3 weeks is the longest writer's block I've had ever. And it doesn't help that yesterday I deleted the whole essay because it read funny and run of the mill and boring. AND I just realised that on my JC testimonial my leaving date is recorded as 31st December 2004. Now I'll have to get it changed, and the signature will be the new principle's. Sigh.

I think the kids have finally figured out that I'd just graduated last year. They would have found out sooner or later, but I was hoping later rather than sooner. Ohwell. It's only about two weeks to the release of the A level results...that would have been a pretty obvious blow of my cover.

RESULTS. ARGH. You know what, of all the subjects I sat for, I'm most terrified of screwing up gp. Not only because that would seriously undermine my credibility in my current occupation, but also because I honestly feel like I may have. Oh, and maths too. I still maintain that Paper 1 was better than Paper 2, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe, just maybe, I did so badly in Paper 1 I didn't KNOW I was screwed. Let's not even talk about the S papers. I'm definitely going to be in need of some Ben&Jerry's therapy come D-Day. And some moral support too. I am NOT looking forward to sympathetic glances from tutors with prior knowledge on the morning of the release. SIGH.

For now though, all I can do is pray for the serenity to accept what I deserve, and be thankful for what I probably don't.

The whole issue of the respect for religion vs. freedom of speech has been playing on my mind ever since the Danish newspaper issue came to light. I guess it's in these kind of situations where you realise the value of having a responsible media. My stand on the issue? Respect for religion comes first, and foremost. There's a fine line between the right to freedom of speech, and the abuse of freedom of speech. Purposefully antagonising a group of people who already feel antagonised falls short of the intelligence, sensitivity and all else a cultured society the Europeans claim to have should possess. While I don't believe a whole country should be blamed for the irresponsible actions of a group of people, I do think leaders could have been more forthcoming in their reassurance of the Muslims. It's easy to feel oppressed when you feel like a minority. I think Singapore did a pretty good job of coming clean with their opinions on the issue. While I don't agree with the means of protest - violence never solved anything, and only turns potential sympathisers against you, I do see why they're protesting. Just because the western world, and face it, most Christians, have let our guard down against blasphemy against our God, it shouldn't blind us to the fact that people do feel strongly about their religion, and we should respect that. And it's not just my two cents worth either. "How do you feel about the murder of the Catholic priest in Turkey?" somebody asked me. "Doesn't it make you angry?" Of course it does. What makes me angrier is that extremists have the excuse, handed to them on a platter, to 'prove' that they are being oppressed, and should, thus, take revenge; that people have been given a reason to confuse an individual cartoonist, expressing his opinion, with a whole range of people: white, european, christian. My stand is clear. The Danish and other newspapers were wrong to have printed the cartoon. The cartoonist may have the freedom to express his feelings in his art, that's fine. But the newspapers, as influential media, have the responsibilty to prevent the worsening of an already precarious situation. I'm not advocating censorship. I'm advocating responsibility of the press in an already divided world. I'm not condoning violent retaliation and protests - I'm saying the agitation some world leaders are refusing to sooth with a full apology is understandable.

Doesn't it strike anybody as sad, no, more than that, terrible, that Christians rarely raise so much as a whisper when our God is blasphemed? That sometimes, we do it ourselves? Freedom of Speech was a concept created to respect the individual's rights. When it over-rides the most basic desire of most individuals, to respect and honour his God, does that not strike you as fundamentally and woefully wrong? Some things should remain sacred, and in my list, reckless, irresponsible and insensitive freedom of speech hardly comes up tops.

What is the clash between then? A kid in one of my classes put it well. It isn't a clash between civilisations, certainly not one between religions. It's freedom of speech vs. respect for religion. And I don't know about you, but I sure hope the latter wins.

I think I know what's wrong with my feet. TOE JAM. Yuck.

Random Quote: No milk today. It wasn't always so. The company was gay. ~Herman's Hermits.

Musings

so what am i, if i am not what i am

I actually had a lot to talk about. Then blogger loaded and my mind went blank. Maybe that has something to do with my glance to my unfinished psc essay, which I told myself I would finish before the end of the CNY holidays. Some time ago that was I think. Arghhh.

Anyway, I'm signing up for driving lessons tomorrow. Passed my btt last week, so next stop pdl. I love these acronyms.

Had a talk (well kind of) with a friend on what makes a person...well, a person. Or rather, what forms someone's identity. And I realised that, at least in the society we live in, a person's identity is very much molded by the category he is put in. I suppose I've always known that. The conversation just made it clearer. From the time we are kids we're told how we, as a category, should act. So kids in neighbourhood schools are supposed to be rougher and louder; girls from all-girls schools are supposed to be messed up, at least at some point in their lives; normal ac kids are supposed to have a chip on their shoulders; normal tech kids are hopeless and thus free to be delinquent; express kids should only have one aim, that is, jc and gep kids should only go to one jc. Maybe my perceptions are flawed, but this much is true. So many kids, up till now, when we're hardly kids anymore, are defined by who they were told they were at 9 and 12.

I'm too sleepy to finish this. Perhaps I'll pick it up again the next time I blog, perhaps not. For now, it's finish psc essay, look through reflections time. G'nite.