I'm not depressed. I'm just contemplative. And that usually leads to morose-like appearances.
It's hard to translate thoughts and feelings on how things should be into how things are. It's even harder when everybody agrees on how things should be, but hardly anybody agrees that's the way we want things to be. Knowing right, choosing left. And as frustrating as it is, I hardly have the courage to turn right on my own. I fear too much. I fear to lose too much. Even when I know there's so much more to be gained.
Am I a substitute person? Like, the person between people, who's there so that other people don't crash and burn, but have a safety net they bounce off. And away. But that never retains, because it's just reflex to let go. A safety mechanism. So that letting go doesn't sting, it actually feels right. Even if perhaps it isn't.
I think they call it growing pains.