Thursday, April 21, 2005


Has it ever occured to you, that in this nanosecond, the second you took to read this word, someone's mother was born, someone's best friend has died, and a saint is made? Have you ever wondered how anyone, anybody, could keep track of what goes on in this world? Has the staggering amount of information, of insights into private lives the Internet has given us, ever suffocated you with the sheer weight of the knowledge that you truly are insignificant, that you are but a drop in the ocean of humanity - no, an atom in that drop - and yet you are still significant - significant enough to warrant attention for failing a test, to be assessed for suitability as a scholarship candidate, to break someone's heart, to make someone's day, maybe even to save someone life. Yet, is that significant? Is your life significant? Will it matter to the world at large, if you were dead or alive? Is that a question you can handle? What if the answer is no. What if, even if you did live your life to the fullest, and touched the lives of millions, it never mattered in the long run, because in the long run, everybody dies.

How does one believe an omnipotent, all-powerful God is really concerned, really loves, really cares for each individual. Yet I believe it. And I guess that's what Faith is about. Despite the mind-boggling issues I tussle with every minute, every day; despite the rushes of doubt and bewilderment and the whole point of life; despite the arguments I hold with myself everytime life doesn't rock, I believe. Despite the various assailing missiles of friendship, kindred-spiritship, tentative love even; despite the echoing voices and fingers pointing to the contrary; despite the temptation of taking the easy way of relativism out, I believe. And because I believe, I have to deal with issues which attack my belief. And everything seems to nowadays. More so because I'm thinking about it. But if we never thought about what we believe in - never even tried to understand the ultimate Mystery of Life, how can we profess to believe? How can we say we believe in something or Someone we don't even try to know? How do i reconcile what I believe in with what my best friends do, when our beliefs stand so firmly apart? Yet I would have been poorer for not knowing and not loving, even if knowing and loving hurts. How can a human proclaim all who do not believe in what he believes in go to hell, and still know and love the people around him? Which then, do I choose? The proclamation, or the knowledge and love? Can I choose both? God doesn't work in the ways of men - I suppose then, what we believe is logical, is not neccessarily divinely so. Yet how then do I know what is right? Is right even important, at this stage? To whom do I direct these questions? Why do I question.

Why do people have such a hold on each other? How can we have such great capacity to love, when the same capacity can be turned to hate? How can someone love a child, and kill a man? How can you be both good and evil? Why don't we understand ourselves? Why do we hurt each other, if we know what pain feels like? Why do we need each other? Why can't we stand on our own? Why doesn't our heart ever listen to what our mind says? Is that a good thing?

Random questions, which beg answers we don't have. And probably never will.

It's a lot darker at the deeper side of the pool.

1 comment:

slam2drop said...
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