Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It's time to officially proclaim the start of my intensive study schedule. Any earlier, I would burn out, any later, I would burn, period.

I've got 5 library books to cover by Sunday, 2 new novels for lit s, 3 econs s essays, 2 (3?) lit s essays, and a suitably outstanding personal statement due by the end of this month.

I'm tired of the politics involved in large groups, and frankly if friends are so easily forgotten or even given up on, then maybe the so called friendship isn't quite worth it. I'll just have to accept the fact that yes, although the disintegration of a close-knit group in any circumstance (and there are several circumstances) is sad, it's happened - and I'll just have to get over it. I refuse to spend time making up to people who don't actually need me around; and you know what, I realise I don't really need big groups either. I'm so much happier with people who are comfortable with just meeting up for lunch, one on one or maybe two or three; who don't need to talk to me everyday to feel like we're close; who can, even after months of not meeting or even msging, still call each other best friends, because we know that true feeling and yes even love is not determined by what we say, sometimes not even what we do, but what we know. I'm not going to make the effort, because I'm tired enough already, and because it's already backfired on me. I'll miss you, of course. But I would miss you soon enough anyway, and I've gotten over missing other people. I truly believe that real friendship is intimate, and that it, unfortunately, is confined to a select few. Perhaps not always the few that I would have selected, based on my own flawed judgement, but the few all the same - and the few I thank God everyday for.

I still love all my councillors though. Even when they DON'T reply spur of the moment, national day inspired, emo-filled sms-es. Hmph.

There are 33 days left to the Prelims. That statement is supposed to inspire slight panic and conscious movement towards my open econs notebook. Supposed to. There are 792 hours left to the Prelims. Ah. That did it. Alritey then.

I'll be back. Bach. Bahk.


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