It's funny, she thought, how you unconsciously give up trying. How slowly, but surely, you learn to look away, fight back the tears, swallow the pain, and deal. How quickly you discover an ability to make friends and then watch them walk away, all the time struggling not to run after, knowing that they're really happier moving on. Funny too, how rapidly people forget promises of everlasting friendship, of offers of interest, of time. Time is funny, the way it belongs to everyone, but is never satisfactorily yours. Funny how nothing ever actually seems satisfactorily yours. Not time, not friends, not love. They belong to everyone. And sometimes to someone. But never, really, you. So you share - not always gracefully, but nobody seems to notice anyway. It's so easy to be, unnoticed. Of course everyone's aware you're there, and almost definitely if you weren't, someone would say they wished you were. Since you are though, there's no need for that. It's funny, she thought, how you unconsciously give up trying...but never consciously give up.

And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friend around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?

I'm exaggerating. But I do really need to find someway to vent things, or at some point I probably will explode. I'm thinking kick-boxing. Or possibly, just a really long, long, hug, from someone who'd understand. The latter condition probably being the reason why kick-boxing lessons will just be an easier way forward.

Damn it, Val. Deal like you always do.

http://www.secretgardenparty.com/main/

::why I sometimes wish I lived here::

on another note. how plausible would organising something like that back home be? in all seriousness. in 3 months. hmm.