Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Midweek, end of term

And still sick.

Me: I'll do almost anything to get rid of this stupid flu.

Friend-who-shall-not-be-named: Kiss me and I'll take it away from you.

Sigh. If only it were that easy.

Went for my first driving lesson yesterday - it was more fun than scary (yes, I expected it to be mildly apprehension-causing). And I love the feel of the accelerator. Purrr.

I also sent in my PSC application yesterday. All of it. And my results, to Trinity. Now I just have to wait and pray.

Come to think of it, I did lots of things yesterday. Went to Siglap CC (which used to have lovely, if old, badminton courts...well at least playable, if not lovely, but which has now been renovated into a space occupying Arts and Cultural Centre) to enquire about the Salsa dance classes. Sy love they start in April and end in June - fine by me, still wanna go? Went for band too, which though marred by our human-ness, was still as always deeply refreshing. Just the music alone, melody filled worship, was good enough.

The kids are halfway through Orientation 2 now, and the sounds of enthusiastic albeit slightly hoarse cheers are wafting up into the staff room. Brings back memories it does - of my 1st Orientation in TJ, which was amazing fun (and where I had not a few crushes on several seniors); of Ohana 2 and the E-comm, those crazy mass dance sessions and cheer sessions and Pepsi TWIST; of Genesis, the long overnighters we had, the fights, the stupid crazy ideas, those bloody pebbles, the video, the KOI POND. Honestly, those poor fish.

It all seems so long ago, yet so recent. And yet if you think about it, it's my 4th year here. Almost as long as I spent in KC. Sure, it's different, being on the "other side", but it's still the same. I don't know what I mean by that.

In May though, I'll be off somewhere else. Missing the kids like hell, but hey, people have to move on. And I don't know what I'll do then. Continue with comm work of course, and the youth ministries. But as for work? Real work? I don't know. Teach for a month in a secondary school? Or get an internship somewhere. But doing what? Waitress? Perhaps. It would be eye-opening, and novel. AND a job. But I'm such a butterfingers I'll probably be fired on the first day.

By May too I'll know where I'll be in October. Whether it'll be my third month in stolid, reliable NUS, or whether it'll be my first week in adreamcometrue. That's the funny thing about dreams. You dream a dream longlongago, then forget about it for years as that dream part of you bows down and retires humbly in the expanding presence of ambition. And you tell yourself those were the dreams of naiive childhood. Then one day you realise that that naiivity told the truth, and you abandon ambition - or at least you think you do, for the dream. As you work for it though, you realise that the dream WAS true ambition, and the ambition of teenagehood was really pride. False pride, in the acknowledgement that society, and thus you, had fallen for the lie that Science would rule. And in the refusal to follow your heart, the tacit submission to the status quo - that "brighter" kids do Science. That really, other than the fact that you've loved every subject you've done, you didn't want to be stereotyped as "the Arts student", even though you knew there was nothing wrong with that. And now, in retrospect, you see how childish that truly was. And admire the courage of those who had chosen it from the start.

This is a very long post.

I've got a sudden hankering for Fish and Co. The platter for two. Yum. I'm making my mouth water. Ohhhhh those chips.

No comments: