Warning: This post will be rather complex.

First off. I went to take a look at the TJ forums for the first time in over a year - drawn there by previous whinging on the state of our grad night, I decided to see what the (usually) enthu and opiniated forummers had to say. Well, nobody had new ideas, and the complaints were the same as what we all hear: too expensive, prom wasn't good so grad won't be, and most annoyingly, nobody's going. I was annoyed, to say the least, and posted a spur of the moment reply. Here's hoping it doesn't backfire on me:

"oh honestly. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but I can't for the life of me see why some people can save to spend over a $100 on clothes and stuff, and can't save $85 for a night to remember. I've got friends who are scholars too - at least last year, and sure they had to save. But because they wanted to go, they saved *shrugz*. As would we all. And to clarify things, there will NOT be mass dance. The herd mentality IS annoying, and what's more annoying is that those who do want to go for grad won't be able to if not enough people sign up. Come on TJcians. Grad can only be what you make it. We could have Coldplay (or Jay Chou for the otherwise inclined) come down for grad, but if everybody is as determined to NOT ENJOY IT as they seem to be, it'll be a flop. Stop comparing, and start figuring out how YOU can make it the best night of your jc life. Don't go for the SC. Don't go for the tutors. Go because it's YOUR grad. The culmination of 2 (or 3) yrs in jc. Go because if you don't, you'll never ever have experienced a graduation night. Go because it's your last night EVER as a TJcian. And if you didn't enjoy TJ, go because it'll give you fodder to whine more about it. But for goodness sakes, GO."

Yeah.

Now for other things. I'm not panicked anymore. 34 days, schedule off-kilter, but I'm not panicked. I'll do what I must and leave the rest up to Him.

I've been going for Mass everyday - predominantly because the Redemptorists are doing a novena to the Eucharist this week, and they never fail to draw me. I'm glad I'm going too - there's an infinite sense of peace at Mass - a sense of peace that never really does leave me. So don't worry jinx, I'm in good hands :) I'll probably keep going, even after they finish the novena, because I'm beginning to realise how much I need it. And I'm happy.

"Infinnate Joy." ~Rahel